Do you ever wake up and feel like switching off a particular button in your life? And let it all go away, from the ones who hurt you, betrayed you, everyone you ever loved and lost. The thought of it is very revitalizing.
I am going to do it, I am going to be free at last, if not the happiest! That’s all the mind keeps repeating.
These particular thoughts happen to swing by every morning. They slowly kick in and end up consuming the better part of my mornings. On several occasions they have knocked hard at my mind’s door asking for a place to stay in. They’re out of place, do I let them in? But that’s an excuse I tell myself.
They always come up with an excuse of let us kick it for a few, we will soon be out of here. One place they seem to appeal to the most is the mind, the official bed of my thoughts. It is always some type of busy, hyped, restless and constantly venerable to the risk of being corrupted.
They at times move aside for me to get out, pace between them and lean against them, to get to the deepest of my being. Boiling in them a dash of hope, sweet joy, happiness and belief. Going through this state of mind is rough. Everytime I get into it, the thoughts that come with it are disturbing, conflicting and poison the already confident mind.
I tend to rub them off, throw them to the darkest of corners and keep a safe distance. But whenever I put my head down to rest, they find themselves back in. I still don’t have an explanation for how it all happens.
They’re never conscious of the trouble they bring, for they’re always determined to leave behind casualties in record time. I never get the time to calm down and gain total control of them. It happens so fast.
Their past lame attempts to have my attention almost yielded fruit. They came in form of a distinguished nervous breakdown, depression. As a diversion to satisfy the pain and misery I was going through. I fell for their seduction and ended up more miserable and lost. My mind served no purpose at that time for I had become delusional.
I am repulsed by them. And try to shrug off their attempts without thinking. It is about time I gained total control of my mind. For the brief moments they have got me frozen, have been nothing short of destruction.